Quotes by Henny Youngman

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
 
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. -- Don't answer!
 
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't report it. The thief spends less than my wife.
 
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
 
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.
 
5 quotes     Show as list