It’s a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they’d just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
She was so ugly when she was born, her Momma used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't report it. The thief spends less than my wife.
I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.