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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
She was so ugly when she was born, her Momma used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't report it. The thief spends less than my wife.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast!
I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
It’s a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they’d just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
8 quotes     Show as list