If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast!
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
It’s a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they’d just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
She was so ugly when she was born, her Momma used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.
I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't report it. The thief spends less than my wife.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?