Quotes by Anonymous

105 quotes  
Freedom is not free.
Only sheep need a shepherd
I am the captain of my soul.
HORSE SENSE: Stable thinking
Happiness is a state of mind.
Good example is half a sermon.
Lord save me from your followers
He who laughs last thinks slowest
Play the music, not the instrument.
CHEF: Any cook who swears in French.
God helps those who help themselves.
Grant me patience, O Lord, but hurry!
In strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
The masses are the opium of religion.
Silence is the best response to a fool.
CAT: A lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer.
To teach is to learn. -- Japanese Proverb
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
Keep your words sweet-you may have to eat them.
Bigamy: Marrying a pretty girl and a good cook !
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast!
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Half of the people in the world are below average.
I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it works!
Women are meant to be loved....not to be understood.
The big thieves hang the little ones. -- Czech proverb
Life is a state of mind. (From the film "Being There")
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
If you want to stay single...look for the perfect mate !
God may forgive your sins, but your nervous system won't.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
PHILANTHROPIST: One who gives away what he should give back.
Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
TACT: The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say.
What a man says drunk he has thought sober. -- Flemish proverb
CHEMICALS: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
When I'm right no one remembers, when I'm wrong no one forgets.
My words will either attract a strong mind or offend a weak one.
The goal of marriage is not to think alike but to think together.
Before solving a problem, make sure you've got the right problem.
Age does not determine who's right, it only determines who's left!
FAIRY TALE: a horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
Love me when I least deserve it, because it's when I need it most.
The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next. 
Everyone needs to be loved, especially when they do not deserve it.
You are just an insecure little girl in desperate need of attention.
A beautiful woman is a paradise to the eyes and a curse to the purse.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's....she changes it more often !!
Time is nature's way of making sure everything doesn't happen at once.
Integrity - When you do the right thing even though no one is watching.
The best thing parents can do for their children is to love each other.
There is nothing so pathetic as a bore who claims attention - and gets it
I am what I am because of who we all are. (Principle of Ubuntu philosophy)
EXECUTIVE: A man who talks to the visitors while others are doing the work.
We will be the last generation to have witnessed life without the Internet.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife isn't saying.
The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Sometimes the best way to get someone's attention is to stop giving them yours.
The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.
It's beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart.
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist, and too rich to be a communist.
She says: "I don't ask much. Just treat me like a lady and fuck me like a whore".
The earth is my body, my head is in the stars. (From the film "Harold and Maude")
For every complicated problem there is a simple, easy to understand, wrong answer.
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
VACATION: Time off to remind employees that the business can get along without them.
Education Is what remains after you have forgotten everything you learned in school.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves... for they will never cease to be amused.
My wife and I have an agreement. I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Never argue with idiots... They bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
Advertising - the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
She was so ugly when she was born, her Momma used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.
Who do you turn to when the only person who can stop your tears, is the one that's causing them?
Confidence is believing you are of value. Arrogance is believing you are more valuable than others.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about other people.
SPOUSE: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
A theologian is like a blind man in a dark room searching for a black cat which isn't there - and finding it! 
Once there was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. This time is called the Dark Ages.
A woman always has the last word in an argument. Anything a man says after it is the beginning of a new argument.
You've got to have a map: to know where you came from, where you are, where you want to be, and how to get there.
PROFESSOR: A person whose job is to tell students how to solve the problems of life he avoided by becoming a professor.
When people bother you in any way, it is because their souls are trying to get your divine attention and your blessing.
Trump can run for president with no political experience but I need a masters and 5 years experience for an entry level job.
STATISTICIAN: Someone who can put his head in the oven and his feet in the freezer and tell you, "on average, I feel just fine."
If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
COMMAND: In computer science, a statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
If God is love and love is blind then isn't it a logical conclusion that God is blind? And if so how could God make man in his own image? Scary thought isn't it?
105 quotes